FML

I have had a constant headache for the last two days, and I don't know why.  It's on the left side, around my temple and behind my eye.  I don't know if it's because I've been ridiculously stressed trying to figure out what I'm doing next year or if it's something else.  It's nothing like the headaches I used to get before I had my brain surgery, but still... Headaches freak me out because I think something is wrong.  I'm not a hypochondriac about it or anything, though.  I just don't want to have to have a decompression surgery again.

I'm still very much in the dark about what is going to happen next year.  I have three options: 1. Turn in my contract and stay.  2. Turn in my contract and keep looking.  If I find something before June 30th, then I can get out of my contract without the state taking my license.  But if I don't find anything, then I already have a job secured.  3. Don't turn my contract in and move to Birmingham if I don't find a job.  While I'm in Birmingham, I would be working on my Master's online from Walden and hopefully subbing the majority of the week, if not every day during the week.

I was really leaning towards option 3, but after really thinking about it and talking to the guy at Chevron (of all places...), I'm going to go with option 2.  Mom is turning in my contract tomorrow.  That still gives me 3 months to look for a job.  I've decided, also, that I'm definitely going to start my Master's in the fall so that I don't have to pay on my student loans.  I can put that money in savings so that when this time of year comes around next year, if I'm still up here, I'll have money to live on in Birmingham.

If I stay here, I'm only doing one more year.  I can't stand to do more than that.  The honeymoon phase of Alaska is over.  It's gorgeous... it always will be.  And I like being close to my parents.  And I like the salary I get here.  And I love the people I work with.  Those four reasons are the only reasons why I like being here.  But I miss my friends.  I miss Ron.  I miss the South, in general.  I miss a lot of little things that I don't have in Northway or Tok (Fairbanks has some, but that's a bazillion miles away)... I miss radio stations.  And interstates.  Roads with more than two lanes.  Traffic lights.  Rush hour.  Shopping.  Movies.  Jordan-Hare stadium.  Samford lawn.  Weekend get-aways to Atlanta, Birmingham, or Huntsville.  I miss the fact that, if I remember at 2:00 in the morning that I've forgotten something at WalMart, I can get in the car and go get it.  I miss the social aspect of my life.  I'm social here, to an extent.... But not really with anyone my own age.

My laptop is about to peace out on me, and my headache hasn't gone anywhere.  I should go to bed... But I think I'm going to watch New Moon instead.