Sleepy

My observation here in town went well.  I was there to observe reading groups, and they do something similar to Walk to Read in Auburn.  She does a lot of cute things in her room that I am going to try and do in my room, if not this year, then in future classrooms for sure.

Apparently, the teacher I'm observing tomorrow wants me out there all day.  I wasn't planning on that long, but whatever... But I think I'll learn a LOT from her.  She's one of those amazingly cool and level-headed teachers, and she teaches multi-grade like I do.  After I observe there and drive back, I'll probably take a nap and then start on the insanely large and towering stack of papers I need to grade.  And driving back into town today, I realized that I left about a third of the papers at my house...  Oh well.  I have to go back relatively early on Sunday because I didn't bring anything home with me to do lesson plans for next week.

Speaking of next week, we're doing our first intruder drill on Wednesday.  I was going over the procedures of what they're supposed to do while I lock the door and turn the lights off and they're freaked out.  I told them it was just a practice drill, like our fire drills, but that the principal and the trooper are going to be listening to make sure we're being as quiet as we can be.  Of course, they started talking about the secret phrase that is said on the intercom when there is an intruder, and a bought of "what if" questions started.  "What if I'm in the bathroom and he has a gun and he comes in there?"  "What if he smashes in the glass in the door window and lets himself in?  And then holds a gun to your head, Erica?"  What if, what if, what if.  Wednesday morning will be very interesting, that's for sure.

So this entire week I haven't been able to get to sleep worth a sack of beans.  But now I'm home at my parents' house.  And what is the first thing I did as soon as I finished dinner?  Well, after I perused Facebook for about 30 minutes.  I fell asleep on the couch.  Wrapped in my blanket, glasses still on (I finally got them today... They're pink and have little pink jewels on them and just overall fabulous!).... I slept for close to two and a half hours.  Dad woke me up to clean up a mess that Harley had made in the kitchen.  "COR" he calls it... Cat Owner Responsibilities.

Mom's 51st birthday is on Saturday.  Dad has a couple tricks up his sleeve, and I can't wait to see how she reacts.  Hopefully she won't be sick on Saturday... She's been hacking up her lungs today.  She drank two hot toddies and then went to bed, and I think she's taking a half day at work tomorrow.

I think keeping up with this blog is the only resolution of mine that I've successfully kept so far.

Exhausted

I. Am. Exhausted.  I don't know what it is about this week, but I am emotionally and physically drained!  Last week I couldn't stay up past 9:00... This week, I can't get to sleep if my life were depending on it.  What the hell?  This week is no different than last week.  Nothing is different.  Even things with the guy haven't changed much... I think I am going to go to lunch with him, at the very least.  I do care about him and we've been talking for so long now... I think I'd regret it in the end if I pass up this chance to see him.  Something about the two of us together feels right.  It's beyond crazy on so many levels, but deep in my gut, it just feels right.  I don't have any other words for it.  I guess that's why this whole situation is so heartbreaking.  I'm not going to beg him or try to talk him into wanting to be with me, but at the same time, I wish he'd realize that I'm worth waiting for.  At least for the next 6 weeks until I get there and can see what things are like when we're right there in front of each other.  But until then, I have to settle for this gut-wrenching feeling that something wonderful will end before it ever had it's chance to really start.  Damn life...

I'm only at school for a half day tomorrow.  I have to go into town and observe the 1st grade teacher, and then on Friday I have to go another school on the other side of town and observe the K-6 teacher.  Mom's birthday is on Saturday, so all this planning worked out really well.  I stayed at school until 8:15 tonight to get ready for the sub.  Setting up for a sub would be so much easier if I only had one grade... It took me forever.  Copies to make, plans to type up, materials to get together, procedures to explain, blah blah blah.  There are a couple more things left to do, but I can do those in the morning.  Hopefully I will be able to get up and get my rear in gear so that I can be over at the school around 7 or 7:30.  So far this week, I've been strolling in right at 8.  Which leaves 45 minutes to prep before school starts... And I spend half of that talking to Kelleigh, haha.

Leaving in 6 weeks!!

Frozen

The water at the duplex is frozen.  Again.  It’ll be out for a while, too, from the sound of it.  The maintenance guy said that the water below the water pump is what’s frozen.  And since that water is frozen, no water can flow into the well and the water pump is whirling away in mid-air.  Our rent should be reduced for every day that that stupid well is frozen… Seriously.  I can’t take a shower or wash dishes, and I can’t give Little Man his foot soak without going over to the school.  It’s a huge inconvenience.  There’s always something wrong with this place.  The septic tank overflowed again because my toilet wouldn’t stop running.  As if Lake Frozen Shit wasn’t big enough last week…  Now it’s a MASSIVE frozen mess.  My car is stuck in the ice again.  Thankfully I know how to get out of it.  Even the back wheels of the principal’s truck are frozen in ice this time. Ha.  All I can do, really, is laugh about it.  It’s not going to be fixed tonight.  Or this weekend.  And whining won’t get it fixed any faster.

And the Internet is out again.  I’m going to talk to the principal and see if I can leave pretty much as soon as the buses leave so that I can physically go into the internet company’s office and complain.  I’ve already packed up everything and in the morning I’m going to load up my dirty dishes and laundry into the car.  That way, as soon as the buses leave, I just have to run over and start the car, then go in and grab Harley and my other bag, and we can be on the road.

For some reason, every night this week, I have not been able to stay up past 9:00.  I don’t know why.  On Tuesday, the girls’ basketball game ended at 7, and by 7:30, I had already gathered my stuff at school and walked home and had dinner.  Fifteen minutes later, I was falling asleep on the couch, so I went to bed to read a book, and after I got off the phone with my mom at 8:15, I was out like a light as soon as my head hit the pillow. Even though I went to bed early on Tuesday, I still slept in on Wednesday until 7:00.  I don’t know what’s going on that has everything all out of whack.  The only thing that’s different is the whole situation with the guy.

On a brighter note, I’m leaving 7 weeks from today. :)

Excited

Everyone I have talked to about the recent decision I’ve made about calling it quits with the boy has been really supportive.  Part of me hopes he’d call and say this is all a huge misunderstanding.  But I think the realistic side of me knows he won’t.

Little man’s toes are still swollen.  I had to pick gunk out of three of his toes and nailbeds.  He was not too happy with me (luckily he only hates me for a short period of time).  But they’re looking better.  It’s a slow ordeal.  And it’s so intense!  In the morning, he gets two medicines, his food, and a fourth of a teaspoon of this amino acid gel that is supposed to help with his immune system.  And in the evening, he gets one of the medicines, his food with some fish oil, the amino acid gel, and I have to soak his feet in a watered down iodine mix in the sink and clean each individual toe with a baby wipe.  I wish I could feel what he’s feeling… I hate that he’s in pain.  And I wish that the histology report came back showing something relating to his immune system, just so I could know the reason behind all his toe issues.  I’m against declawing, but if it doesn’t get better, I may get it done for health reasons.  Especially it this is not cleared up by the time summer gets here.

I had my first eLive class for this supplemental math curriculum I’m doing in my classroom.  It’s based on the Yup’ik culture and it is really involved in the sense that there is a crap ton of planning!  But… all the data from the curriculum in recent years shows that it works.  And I’m all about doing things to help my kids learn.  I’ve been talking with my aide to see how we can make some Athabascan connections, even if it’s just learning the Athatbascan word for the different berries we’re learning about.

I leave for my Spring Break in Alabama in seven weeks and two days.

Decisions, decisions

Between my last post and now, things have changed.  I may not be going to Birmingham during my Spring Break trip to Alabama after all, because I think things with the guy are over... Whatever "thing" it was.  And "over" as in I don't think we're not talking anymore.  Things went from great to crap in 27 hours.  I went into this thing head on, put my heart on my sleeve from the get-go and was the most honest with him than I've ever been with a guy.  But apparently we're not on the same page, like I stupidly thought we were.  I'm not going to be the girl he's "talking to" while he continues to look around.  And I'm not letting him put me on the back burner to some other girl he "doesn't know" if he wants to date or not.  He's already told his parents about this girl... His mom knows about me.  The rest of the family "might" know about me.  So I texted him and said he had a decision to make -- date the other girl and quit talking to me or realize that I'm worth waiting the next few months for.  I never got a response from him... So I took the silence as his answer.  His decision was made.  The end.

I wanted to see where things went with him, and I knew for that to happen, it would be better for us to be closer to each other, instead of being a million miles away.  I knew that he'd never move up here, and all my friends are in Alabama, so it made the most sense for me to move, which I was totally fine with.  I had already started looking for jobs in the Birmingham area. 

Since things with him are obviously going nowhere, there is no hurry to move back to Alabama (except for the fact that I miss my girls tremendously).  I'd love to, at some point.  And, one day, I will move back.  But for right now, I've decided that it's better for me, financially, to stay up here and keep my job for next year.  After next year... Who knows.  I have a long time to figure that one out.  I won't be here forever.  I know my friends in Alabama will be disappointed because they all want me back, and I feel really bad that I'm so far away now.  But at the same time, I'm making really good money here, I'm learning a LOT that I'd never learn in the South, and most important, I love my students.  They need me to stay another year.

Haha

I only have four students today (a lot of them left with their families yesterday to go to Tri-Valley for the HS basketball tournament this weekend).  In my class, the kids can earn a star each morning and a star each afternoon if they have good behavior.  When they get to 25 stars, we have a party/"free time" afternoon on Friday after lunch.  Today is one of our party days.

2nd grader: "Erica, can we listen to iTunes during our party if we're good this morning?"
Me: "We'll see... I have some music on my computer that we can put on."
2nd grader: "No, I mean the iTunes on the class computer."  (I deleted the music because it was not appropriate for school.)
Me: "No, that music was deleted off.  The computer guy from the school district came and deleted it all."
*brief pause*
2nd grader: "CURSE him!!!!!!!!!  Why would he DO such a thing?!"

A lot of funny things these kiddos say is really a "you had to be here" kind of thing, and you have to know the kids.

Stuck

I went to dinner with the principal's wife and their kids at the librarian's house down in the village tonight.  It was nice once we got there... Getting there was another story.  My car was frozen to the ground.  Literally.  The sewer tank overflowed (nasty, right?) and since it's on my side of the house and it overflowed as much as it did, and then the temps got to -34 the other day, all of the nastiness froze.  I have dubbed our driveway as Lake Frozen Shit.  Anyways, the Suburban got stuck in said lake and wouldn't move when I tried to put it in reverse.  Finally, after trying to rock it out, I put it in reverse and gunned it out of there.  Luckily the brakes worked, because I went flying backwards out of my spot.  There are now four little tire holes in the ice where my car was sitting.  On one hand, the whole thought of my car being stuck in the ice is disgusting, considering what that ice is... But on the other hand, the whole thought of my car being stuck in ice period is hysterical to me.  Not only was the car frozen to the ground, but the extension cord I use to plug it is also stuck in the lake.  I'm going to have to see if my parents have something I can chip the ice away with while I'm home over the weekend.

I am SO excited to be going home this weekend.  This has been a crazy week.  I only had half my class today (I'm down to eight students now), because there is a basketball tournament in Tri-Valley.

I noticed that there were more pictures posted on the 04 Throw Down event on Facebook for my sorority chapter's 30th reunion weekend.  Looking through them made me sad because there is no way I'm going to be able to be there and I REALLY wanted to go.  I'm too far away from the good things when I'm up here.  Things like that make me feel like I want to go back to Alabama for sure next year... But then I think about the day I had today with my kids and the pictures we took on Monday and how cute they are, and how good it would be for them if I stayed up here, and I start thinking about staying up here for another year.  I can't think of the last time I was in a dilemma like this.  A lot of good things can happen if I move back to Alabama... Not as many good things will happen up here, but I'll be making good money to pay off loans and build my savings, which will be good in the long run.

I don't like decisions like this.

Humored

Highlight of my day:  For whatever reason, the 1st and 2nd graders went on a cleaning FRENZY in the room after snack break.  They were wiping down all the tables, including my entire desk (while I was sitting there - they took things out of my hand and moved them), with Clorox wipes and picked up all the trash... I didn't argue it at. all.  However, the best part was when one of my 1st graders was cleaning the sink area, and all of a sudden, I hear a scream.  Followed by a brief pause.  Followed by, "Holy crackers!!  That's freaking HOT!"

Moments like that make me love being a teacher.  Especially with these kids.

Hopeful

I meant to post this earlier, but time has a habit of escaping me these days.  2009 was an utter whirlwind, to say the least.  As good as it was, though, I'm definitely hopeful for a better 2010.

In January, I started my student teaching in a Kindergarten classroom in Auburn.  The kids were wonderful, but the teacher was a nightmare, and for the next four months, I was in internship hell.  No one heard more about it than my sorority little sister/roommate... bless her heart.  I couldn't have made it without her.  Countless days I came back frustrated out of my mind or on the verge of tears because I couldn't fathom how someone who is supposed to be helping me and being a mentor to me could be so deceitful and hurtful.  I learned a lot from her, but it was a lot of things not to do.  Thank God I was working at a gym... I took out a lot of frustration on those machines, ha.

In February, I was in my second wedding and watched one of my best friends marry a fabulous guy in Huntsville.

After the wedding, while sitting on the couch, bored out of our noodle one night, the roomie and I saw a commercial for eHarmony and decided that we were both going to sign up to see what happened.  At first, I wasn't going to pay for it (expensive!), but then I decided I was going to pay for one month and take it seriously.  At the end of that month, I realized I had forgotten to cancel my subscription and was signed up for another month.  I made sure to cancel it before March was over.

At the beginning of March, I was matched with a guy in Birmingham and started talking to him at the end of the month.  Nine months later, we are still talking and I'm planning on going to see him while I'm in Alabama this coming March for a wedding.

Also in March, I spent my entire Spring Break at Curves working while everyone else went to the beach.  It was the most fabulous week ever because 1.) a lot of members were parents of kids in the school system and they went on vacation, so it was quiet at the gym, 2.) I got to catch up on internship stuff, 3.) I got to read several books because I wanted to read them, and 4.) my paycheck was fabulous!

April was pretty quiet... I spent the month applying for countless jobs throughout Alabama and Georgia and was preparing for the end of my internship and graduation from Auburn, all while trying to pick up some extra hours at Curves.  I also found out that one of my really good friends in the sorority got married and was expecting a baby!  I was BEYOND thrilled to hear this news!!

May was big!  I finally finished my nightmare known as internship.  I took my list of things not to do in a classroom and walked across that big stage to receive a handshake from Bo Jackson and my diploma.  Tyler graduated the same day with his Master's degree, and luckily, was in the same ceremony as me.  It was the first time both parts of the family had been together since I don't know when.  The only people missing were Kimmy, who was going to her Senior Prom, and Michael, who was in California doing his Marine training.  He had to start a new class the week of graduation and they wouldn't let him take a day or two to fly over and watch me graduate.  I slept in for about a week after graduation.  I spent the summer working at Curves, applying to jobs, and spending time in Auburn with friends.  I knew I wasn't going to be offered a job in Auburn or Opelika, so I started preparing myself early for the day when I had to drive out of town, not knowing when I was going to be back.

June was really quiet.  Applying for jobs, getting no responses, spending my time at the gym working... Blah, blah, blah.

July was bit more eventful than June.  I turned 23 and spent my birthday in Tennessee with a friend from my high school in Alaska.  Two days later, on the 8th (07/08/09), I was the maid of honor in her wedding.  I loved hanging out with her and her now-husband, her mom, and his family.  Her mom has not changed at all.  I started to really look at jobs in that area, but, as we know, nothing panned out.  Later in the month,  my parents surprised me with the best birthday present ever!  They sent me a box in the mail with strict instructions not to open it until they were both on the phone with me.  I opened the box and opened things in the order they told me to.  First up was a Yup'ik sewing kit that my mom had made for me, and inside was an iPod touch.  I had been wanting one for SO long because I needed something to listen to in the car on my long trips.  Flipping through 200+ CDs while going 80 mph on the interstate does not equal a good idea.  The best part of the box... A room for me and friend at the WindCreek Hotel & Casino in Atmore, AL along with room service for dinner and breakfast, $200 to spend in the casino and tickets to see REBA!  The only words that were able to form in my brain and come out of my mouth were "Wow!" and "Whoa!"  After having a housekeeping issue with the first room we were put in, we were put in another room that was even better.  The view was fabulous.  We went to the casino and had NO idea what we were doing.  After losing $60, I quit and decided to save the rest of the money.  The concert was AMAZING.  We were fairly close to her and she was just... amazing.  She's beautiful.

After getting back to Auburn, I got a phone call from a principal in Mississippi about an emergency hire special ed position.  I thought my luck with all this job applying nonsense had turned around (ironic because this particular position was one that I never applied for -- I had just randomly called the school asking if they had any openings).  I packed up my apartment and loaded stuff into my storage unit, a friend's garage, and my car and headed to MS to meet with the principal and assistant principal.  Once I got there, I found out they couldn't give me the job because someone with special ed certification had just shown up the day before and because he was certified, and I'm not, they were required to give him the job.  I was so angry at that guy the whole drive back, and for the majority of the 6 hours, I was in tears.

I got back to Auburn and had nowhere to live because my apartment lease had expired that day.  It was not the kind of start to August as I had been banking on.  Graciously, one of my sorority sisters let me and Harley stay with her.  But we only stayed one night because she wasn't allowed to have animals, and seeing as how Harley likes to sit in the window and the landlord was walking around the premises due to it being the transition season, I was not about to risk getting her in trouble.  So, I went and stayed with my cousin's at-the-time ex-girlfriend, now current girlfriend (I'm a much bigger fan of the current situation than I was of the August situation).  Her brother wasn't back in Auburn yet, so she put me up in his room, and our cats formed a feline BFF relationship.

Mid-August, I started to prepare for my move back home.  I had no job and nowhere to live permanently, and had no choice but to go home.  On a Tuesday, a few days before I was supposed to leave, I got a phone call from my mom up here in Alaska about a long-term sub job for a K-3 classroom that the superintendent was prepared to give me.  Just like that.  I had about 30 seconds to make a decision whether I wanted it or not.  I said yes and then she told me that school started the following Tuesday.  I had about 9 hours to load up everything for a cross-country drive, plan my route, and make hotel reservations for hotels along the way.  The next day, I had to take Harley to the vet to get his health certificate and sedatives and then we hit the road.  We drove from Alabama, across the US, through Canada, and into Alaska in six days.  I tried to take as many pictures as I could, but when you have six days to drive 4,500 miles, that doesn't really allow time for sight-seeing.  I got home on a Monday evening and started work as a K-3 sub that very next day.  When Friday evening rolled around, my head hit the pillow and I was out.

I continued driving the 58 miles each way everyday through September and October.  At the end of October, I was told that there would be a possibility that it could be offered to me as a full-time position if I was interested.  Of course I was interested... I had applied to over 300 jobs in the South and got no response, and then drove like a bat out of hell to get there in time for the first day of school.  That possibility turned into a reality and at the end of first quarter, I signed my contract for the rest of the school year.

At the beginning of November, I moved into the teacher housing in the village at the school.  It started off quite nicely... I spent a lot of money in Fairbanks buying stuff for the house, most of which I already have but had left in my storage unit in Alabama, and I spent most of my evenings after school decorating and setting up.  And by "decorating," I mean I hung three things up on the wall and put curtains on the windows.  I didn't want to buy too much wall stuff, because I have a bunch in my storage unit.  In Alabama.  In the two and a half-ish months that I've been living out here, I can't tell you how many times our water has frozen.  Or how many times our sewer tank has overflowed.  Or how many other issues we've had with this place.  And the water is smelly and rusty.  It took me forever and a half to get phone and internet and I'm still without TV.  While I am grateful beyond words for this house and this job and all of the opportunities I've experienced here that I can't in Alabama, frozen smelly, rusty water is not my cup of tea.  I'm more surprised when the water IS flowing than I am when I find out it's not working.

December went by really fast... probably because there were only three weeks of school followed by two weeks of break.  A very much welcomed and needed break.

And that, my friends, brings us to 2010.  A year that has a lot of possibilities, a lot of things to learn, and things that I couldn't be more hopeful for, without getting my hopes up.  I'm in two weddings, and am spending a week in Alabama, and could not be more thrilled about that Spring Break week.  I don't know what's happening after May, but if I have any choice in the matter, I'll be going back to Alabama.